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:) just an irish girl passionate about make up.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

good news :) and the reason

okay well its kinda good news.. like the earths not gonna move or anything but... i'v lost 1/2 a pound..... *cue drums and marching band* VICTORY DANCE!! well not yet but..... ya know.... im on my way.... imagine if i do manage to lose 21 pounds..... its my aim but .
ya know i never explained my reason for wanting to lose weight well dim the lights and cue the violins...
see i;ve ALWAYS been chubby... when i was 12/13 though i was faaaaaatt like i have no idea how its possible to eat THAT much and not be clinically obese. i was constantly ravenous. i dont know if i lost weight but i defo grew. im 5'7 now and i am 10 st 10. :0 shock horror! and i want to be 9 st.
this year as part as my transition yr in school we are going to italy and i want to wear cool shorts and bikinis with confidence. and i also may be going to canada to visit my relatives there that i have never seen before(my mother is from canada) so they have never seen my before well as a grown up(kinda) well teenager and i want to impress them for my mother. my mother was teeny tiny when she was my age up until her 30's she was only 7st. and it wasnt she was unhealty it was just her build. so i feel i need to ... well not live up to it but i dont want their physical impression of me to be "oh yeah she's pretty but chubby" i dont want them to go "oh wow shes skinny" i dont want my weight to be a factor or an issue with ppl anymore.  i want them to notice my big lips... not my bulging stomach... my thick, long hair.. not my thunder thighs... i do have things going for my but i feel my weight is crushing all my assets and preventing new ones....
i hate that boys NEVER seem to notice me.. i hate the way my younger trouble making brother calls my fattie EVERY SINGLE TIME i step into the room....
i just dont want my weight to be on my mind any more... i feel like its crushing all thats good about me and slowing me down... i want to be lighter basically.
soooo my goal is to lose the weigth and the worrys.... i know its awful and an unhealthy way of thinking but if i was slimmer i would be happier...
dont worry though i enjoy food too much to go anorexic on yas.

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